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Introduction....
I had a good upbringing and I had everything a child needed:
love from my parents and all the material things I required.
Everything was fine until we moved to Leerdam in 1969. Then the
problems started, not so much for me, but I noticed my family was
changing. I was attending highschool in Leerdam. One day I found
a shoe box in the wardrobe. Because I was curious I looked inside
and saw a couple of small items. I took the two items, without
knowing what they were, and showed them to a friend of mine. She
recognised them immediately as being a couple of deals of hash.
So we went to 'de Steiger' in Leerdam and then she rolled a joint
(I couldn't do that at that moment). Wow! It was like I got
ripped at the first toke, but later I felt pretty good because I
felt happy and relaxed. After that I secretly took soft drugs,
only to feel good. And I knew why I did it. Because when I smoked
stuff I could control the whole world. And so it went on. When I
was seventeen I had a relationship. I knew he smoked heroin, but
I didn't care about that. I thought: I don't want to involved
with hard drugs. I started using heroin when my boyfriend went to
prison. During a 'teenertour' I met some friends who smoked
'joints' of heroin. When they offered some to me I took it, and
because I liked it I continued.
Perished in a swamp of drugs
Things went from
bad to worse, and through rock concerts I attended, I came in
touch with pep pills. I didn't know what the effect of them were.
But friends told me: 'Take it Nel, it's nice'. So I did. After I
took them, I started hallucinating, and I lay down for a while in
a corner of the hall. I became frightened when a group boys came
at me. I didn't know where I was, but fortunately my brother
Mattheus was there that night and he looked after me. I thought:
'never again, Nel'.
My boyfriend was still in prison and he was getting worse. He
started drinking, dropping pills, smoking hash and taking heroin,
if only just to fit in. At a party in Vaassen I lost
consciousness. The doctor was called. In hospital, when I later
regained consciousness again, I noticed I was restrained. I asked
a nurse why they did that. She told me the drugs made me crazy
and they were afraid I might hurt myself.
Me and my silver-paper
My boyfriend left
prison and we married and were together for ten years. Every day
we were drugs users, and when my husband had a chance, he went
steeling in order to get heroin. He died in 1985, and after that
I had no motivation to live. So I continued using drugs and I
didn't care what happened to me. I didn't want to have contacts
with my family any more and I built and dwelt on: 'Me, my
silver-paper (heroin), and my deceased husband'. I couldn't leave
my past. I had plans to commit suicide and thought of jumping off
a block of flats.
The Truth about myself
It's all a sad
joke, in those days I thought I was living, but the truth was I
was driven by my addiction and grief for my deceased husband. I
was in a vicious circle and because of my problems I started
lying and steeling and lost my confidence in people. I no longer
loved myself, and only wanted to die. I lost my husband due to
this heroin addiction and yet I was still taking it. I felt I was
sitting alone in a deep dark pit and didn't know how to get out.
My life was full of sorrow and fury because of his death. I had
lost the will to live.
He took me out of that dark pit
Thanks to the
great love of God, and thanks for His mercy, He sent, even though
I didn't deserve it, His Son Jesus to the earth (John 3:16).
Jesus is the Light that came to this dark earth. Jesus died for my
sins to the cross of Cavalry. Jesus saw my struggle, pain and
sorrow, and He has fetched me out this deep dark pit with seventeen
years addiction of drugs. I lost the way, but He showed me the way back.
To me it was a miracle because I thought never would or should survive.
JESUS IS ALIVE ! Now I have in Jesus a hopeful future and I have
received rest and peace in my heart. But above all I received
JOY. The joy I had COMPLETELY lost.
It is my wish, you also meet Jesus, the Son of the Living God.
And when Jesus stretches out His hand to you, and you put your
hand in His hand, then there will start a change in your life,
like Jesus changed me.
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